Ghettostuck
by Minervan Machine
Summary: In this gloriously stupid interpretation, the internet learns of the life of an alternate Alternia. So basically, Boondocks in my Homestuck trolls. THIS IS IN NO WAY SUPPOSED TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.
1. Chapter 1

o===

Why hello. If you are reading this then someone, somehow, is leaking confidential information to the outside of the Fourth Wall. I, Doc Scratch, will have to investigate this matter when it alarms me. For now this is an automated message, an "author's note", perhaps, but I am not the author. No, this is an autobiography, how much truth, how much fiction, I don't know, about a failed verse. An Alternia I scrapped for reasons you will soon find out. This is the memoir of a failed version of the Knight of Blood. When I find this, I will take it down, but for now, stir up some tea, feel free to take a few licorice scotties or a === or two. Enjoy.

CHAPTA 1

MAN, I FEEL LIKE DA CONDESCE 'CAUSE EREWHERE I WALK, DERE AT LEAST ONE, NAW, TWO LUSUSFUCKAS BOWIN' DOWN TO ME. YEAH, I'M DAT BIG AROUND HERE. IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM, THEN YOU'S EYES AN' EARS MUST BE SERIOUSLY ASSBACKWARDS, YO, BUT HERE'S MY NAME. MY NAME, IS KARKAT VANTAS. BUT ON DA STREET, I'M KNOWN AS DA KNIGHT O' BLOOD. ON DA OTHER STREET, I'M KNOWN AS DA CARCINOGEN. ON ANOTHER STREET, I'M KNOWN AS KARKITTY, BUT I DON'T GO TO DAT STREET NO MORE. SO ANYWAY, I'M STARTIN' MY STORY WHEN I WAS PLANNIN' MY MOST INFAMOUS OF CRIMES AND YOU HAVE TO KNOW WHAT DA FUCK DAT WAS, HELL, EREBODY KNOWS WENT DOWN ON 4/13. YEAH, NOW YOU'S REMEMBERIN'. DAT WAS JUST A FEW SWEEPS AGO, WADDN'T IT? BUT I WAS STARTIN' OFF PLANNIN' DIS SHIT WITH MY HIVEDAWG SOLLUX CAPTOR, AKA DA KILLA BEE, AKA YELLOW FEVER, AKA MUSTARD GAS, ON DA MECHANICS. SO I WAS IN MY HIVE WITH SOLLUX. WE WAS TALKIN' 'BOUT DEM HIGHBLOODS AN' HOW THEY SO FUCKED UP AN' SHIT.

"YO SOLLUX, AIN'T DEM HIGHBLOODS FUCKED UP AN' SHIT?" I SAID.

"yeah man, they 2o fucked up. repriimandiin' our riight2, actiin' all hiigh an' miighty, they need two get they're a22e2 off our 2treet, man," SOLLUX ANSWERED.

"AMEN, BROTHA, WE NEED TO RUN DEM FUCKASSES OFF OUR TURF!"

"hell yeah, when we doiin' iit? twomorrow?"

"NAW MAN WE NOT DOIN' IT DAT SOON! WE GOTTA PLAN IT OUT YO! WE COULD GET OUR SICKLES AN' OUR PSYCHIC POWAS AN' RUN THOSE LUSUSFUCKERS OF OUR STREET RIGHT NOW, AN' THEY'D JUS' COMEBACK WITH THE COPS AN' THE FEDS AN' THROW US IN DA SLAMMA, YOU WANT THAT, BRO?"

"aw hell no, we'll plan out thii2 biitch. ii diidn't even thiink of da con2equence2!"

"EXACTLY MAN, WE NEED TO MAKE A PLAN, YO. ALSO STOP YO DUMBASS LISP, MAN, IS MAKIN' US LOOK RIDICULOUS IN DA BAD WAY!"

"brotha, you be hatin' on da li2p? nobody hate2 on da li2p. nobody."

"WELL FUCK ME, I BE LISP HATIN'"

"ii thiink you's askiin' for an optiic bla2t, hater!"

"LOWBLOOD, YOU DA ONE HATIN'!"

DA PLANNIN' WAS PUT ON HIATUS FOR TWO DAYS DUE TO CREATIVE DIFF'RENCES (I.E. SOLLUX BEING A BITCH).


	2. Chapter 2

o===

Why hello again. It seems you have decided to continue reading this record of a deleted past. Personally, this world is too crude for my tastes, but it is my duty to watch over many histories, so it couldn't be helped. If you're wondering why I was trying to keep this in hiding, it is because I feel...ashamed that I had a doing in the making of...this. You might be thinking that such events as described only affect a small portion of this verse but this behavior is painfully my, look at me ramble, do pardon me, I'll let you read. Enjoy.

CHAPTA 2

"'KAY MAN, DIS IS WHAT WE GOTTA DO. FIRST: WE CONTACT OUR HIVIES, AN' HOES, DEN WE ASK DEM TO CONTACT DERE HIVIES AN' HOES, AFTA DAT WE CREATE AN ARMY OF PEASANTS. IF WE GO BIG ENOUGH, AIN'T NO HIGHBLOODS GONNA MESS WITH US NO MORE."

"ii read ya man, but what's we gonna do wiith the army?"

"WE GONNA FIGHT AN' RUN DERE ASSES OFF OUR STREET."

"but don't da hiighblood2 do that two u2?"

"..."

"wouldn't dat be a double-2tandard or 2ome na2ty 2hiit liike dat?"

"...SOLLUX."

"yeah, kk?"

"SHUT DA FUCK UP."

"man ii'm ju2t 2ayiin'-"

"DIS IS DA PLAN. WE FOLLOWIN'. DA PLAN. OKAY MAN."

"ok, but iit kiinda is bein' hypocriitiical..."

"SOLLUX. FOLLOW DA PLAN."

SO WE BEGAN PHASE 1 OF "DA PLAN", CAREFULLY PLOTTIN' OUR MOVES. WE FIGURED WE FIRST GET SOLLUX'S HOE ARADIA IN ON DA PLAN.

"we aiin't goiin' two aradia'2 tiill you 2top hiiking up your 2tupid pant2."

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MAN, MY ANCESTA HIKED UP HIS PANTS TO SHOW HIS DISDAIN AGAINST DEM HIGHBLOODS. IT'S TRADITION, YO."

"your tradiitiion make2 you look liike a jacka22. you 2uck da "playa" out when you walk around in publiic wiith your thread2 2tuck halfway up yo a22."

"SHUT UP, FUCKASS."

DUE TO MORE CREATIVE DISAGREEMENTS, WE ONCE AGAIN DISBANDED, ONLY TO REUNITE THREE WEEKS LATER. SOLLUX, IF YOU'RE READING DIS, YOU A BITCH.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTA 3

AFTER A LONG AN' PAINFUL CHAT WITH SOLLUX, I AGREED TO LOWER MY PANTS AN INCH. SERIOUSLY, ALL DIS LOWBLOOD DOES IS BE BITCHIN' AN' MOANIN' AN' SHIT. SO WE WAS GOIN' TO ARADIA'S HIVE WHEN WE RUN INTO...GUESS WHO. GIVE UP? AMPORA. ERIDAN FUCKIN' AMPORA. WE'S DECIDED TO HAVE A CONVOSATION WITH DA DICK OF DA SEA.

"WHAT DA HELL'S YOU DOIN' HERE."

"i wwould ask the same of you. are you in fact payin me a vvisit?"

"hell no fii2hdiick. we're meetiing wiith aa."

"wwhatcha meetin about, hm?"

"NONE OF YO BUSINESS, OCTOPUSSY."

"but don't you trust me? wwon't you tell me, i'm vvery soseable!"

"YO USIN' DIS AS A CHANCE TO ASK US OUT, I RIGHT?

"never gonna happen, aquadork. never. giit outta here."

"wwhale fin! i havve plenty of hoes! i don't need you!"

"JUST MOVE OUTTA DA FUCKING WAY."

WITH ONE LESS ASSHOLE, WE WENT ON OUR MERRY FUCKIN' WAY TO ARADIA'S HIVE.

"WASSUP ARADIA."

"man i d0nt even kn0w anym0re."

"WHAT DA HELL DO YOU MEAN?"

"i mean im a l0st s0ul. i feel h0ll0w an' dead an' shit inside."

"you need a hug aa? 'cuz iit 2ound2 liike you need a hug."

"0h s0llux i d0nt think n0 hug can cure my hurt."

"SHE DON'T NEED NO FUCKING HUGS."

"but ii worry aboutcha baby!"

"maybe itll help a little..."

"NO. NO TIME FO HUGS. WE BE PLANNIN' A REVOLUTION. NO HUGGIN'."

"kk, you need a hug?"

"NO."

"C'mOn BrOtHeR, wE aLl NeEd HuGs SoMeTiMeS."

"GAMZEE, WHERE DA HELL DID YOU'S COME FROM?"

"MaN i'M mOtHeRfUcKiN' eVeRyWhErE. oPeN yO dOoR. i'M tHeRe. BrUsH yO tEeTh. I'm ThErE. gO tO mOtHeRfUcKiN' bEd. I'm ThErE. i'M eVeRyWhErE, bRo, EvErYwHeRe."

"UHH..."

"uhh"

" 0n0 "

"HoNk :o) "

SO WE ALL HAD A SAPPY FRIENDSHIP HUG. IF WE WAS IN A SHITTY ROMANTIC DRAMEDY MOVIE WHICH I _TOTALLY_ DON'T WATCH EVERY FRIDAY MOVIE NIGHT WITH A BOX O' CHOCOLATES AN' MY INTERNET KISMESIS WHO ISN'T ACTUALLY MY KISMESIS AN' ISN'T REALLY THERE, THERE WOULD BE VIOLINS AN' FLUTES AN' HARPS BECUZ' DAT'S HOW SENTIMENTAL DAT SHIT WAS.


End file.
